August 2021
Back to School - IN PERSON!
Our children have been at our sides during the past year and a half of the Pandemic. We are planning a return to in-person classrooms this fall and our children may feel anxious or reluctant to leave the comfort of home and Mom and/or Dad. Some of our teens are looking forward to the freedom and autonomy they expect by returning to in person school and parents are feeling anxious and fearful of the consequences. There are some helpful steps we can take to minimize the anxiety and help parents and children prepare for school safely.
Young Children:
Children are anxious about the uncertainty of school. They don’t know the other kids and they don’t know the teacher. They may have felt comfort being at home in their familiar environment and now they are not sure if they will feel safe and like being in school.
-Recognize what your child is feeling. “Young children and some kids with special needs may not have the vocabulary to express how they feel. Look for behaviors that indicate they are feeling anxious, like crying, irritability, stomachaches or clinginess” .-Dr Alvord NYT
-Acknowledge/validate your child’s feelings. “I know it’s scary to go to school and I know you like it at home. I know that you’ve not been there/ don’t know the teacher/ the kids. I know you can do it and we’ll find ways to help.”
-Keep your own worries and anxieties in check. Practice mindfulness and introduce mindfulness to your child. There are many resources for helping children learn mindfulness: Watch the video Just Breathe together and check out the website Autism Little Learners. There are many valuable resources, some free and some have a small fee but the concepts work well. Self Regulation in Autism: 5 Ways to Help gives strategies that can help all children learn about their emotions and how to control them.
-Establish a new bedtime routine: go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. Start this a week before school if possible. Make time for a calming routine like reading a story together or coloring while you prepare breakfast.
-Ask your child how they are feeling as you wake them up and try yoga. I like “Are you a tiger or a turtle this morning?” The tiger jumps out of bed while the turtle wants to pull the covers up over their head. If your child is like a tiger then do calming yoga breaths. If your child is like the turtle and has little energy, try lion yoga pose or belly breathing will help your child wake up their body and feel more energized.
-Meet your child’s teacher and let them know things about your child that will help ease the transition. Learn how the drop-off and pick-up will work so both you and your child knows the process.
Teens:
Trust your kids; A certain level of autonomy is important to teens, but in the pandemic they’ve had very little, said Jennifer Kolari, author of “Connected Parenting: How to Raise a Great Kid” and a San Diego-based therapist and parenting coach who leads workshops on parenting. For some, during the pandemic, their own messy bedrooms may be the only place they feel they have control, she said.
Create different paths for connection. Not every teen will open up and some won’t even start a conversation with you - try a different tactic.
-Encourage a daily family dinner: Ask each family member for 1 high and 1 low each day.
-Take a drive together. Let the teen talk and you listen. Don’t make comments, or find solutions. Just listen. Then ask your teen,” What’s next?”
-Make an appointment with your teen for later in the day or week to talk about the problem that is causing fights. Kolari tells us “You can say, ‘Later tonight, we’re going to have a sit-down, and I want to hear your plan,’” she said. “‘I trust that you have a plan, and if you could let me in on that plan, that would really help.’”
Take care of yourself - carve out time to meditate, yoga, journal, whatever helps you decompress. You can be the best parent when you are your best self.
Video Resources
Click here for “Just Breathe” by Julie Bayer Salzman & Josh Salzman (Wavecrest Films). In this powerful short film, watch and hear from elementary school students learning to use mindfulness to navigate complex feelings.
Click here for the “Take 5” breathing exercise. Breathe in for 5 counts using your fingers to count up. Then, breathe out counting your fingers back down.
Click here for Yoga for kids. Calming breaths (Tiger). Energizing breaths (Turtle).